What Have I Done?

I was tryin to get pregnant for over two years. Frustration, depression, envy, pressure, disappointment, and anxiety. I felt all those during the process. I wasn't getting any younger and i felt the need to bear a child as soon as possible.

Getting married wasn't even my priority anymore. I had to have a child, I told myself. 

One day, I decided to lift it all up to Him. I fervently prayed that in His time, it may happen. 

My colleagues were getting pregnant one by one. Someone who's been trying for more than five years of marriage, another who's bearing their second child after a year in between, someone younger than me by two years whom I thought has no plans of having a baby yet got pregnant, and another who's also having her second child. Who's left out? Me.

But you know what, it never affected me coz I learned to trust His timing. They'd often tease me and say, "sana ikaw na ang next". I tell them, "darating din ako dyan sa tamang panahon".

I admit, we weren't religiously going to church. On Sundays, we just stay home and rest. I'm guilty of not honoring that commandment so I thought that makes me less deserving of His blessings. So I thought, why not make it a habit to read at least a verse a day from the Bible. I downloaded Our Daily Bread from the Playstore and decided to read everyday.

My soul started to be fed spiritually. I share my daily reflections thru my FB stories.

I went on with the flow. Never pressured. Bought some products believed to be effective for fertility to help myself.

Right after finishing the box of juice we ordered, wish granted. He made those products as instruments to answer my prayers. 

So that's part of this journey. 

Believe, trust, and pray. 

xo, KC